Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize