I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
