His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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