i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
