Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
