i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
