sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
