I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
