I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
