Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
