the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
