i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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