I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
