he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
