You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
