is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
