For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
