is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
