Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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