I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
