So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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