I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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