Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
