i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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