Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
