im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
