Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize