He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
