Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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