Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
