Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize