Apparently you make a good broom.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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