There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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