If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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