I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
