We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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