dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
