I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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