I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This can only be settled by a dance off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
