i love accidental penises.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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