Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
