just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
