i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
