A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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