The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
