I CAN MOONWALK!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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