weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
