Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize