Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
