Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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