It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
