this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
how does that bad decision feel?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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