His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
