some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
