and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
