no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So squirting runs in the family.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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