I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
