Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
