What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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