why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
