i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
