Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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