i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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