you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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