i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize