Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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